The Home Economics Story

Joel (as lecturer): "Your Period and Mine: The Lecture."

Joel: "And here's the dorm mother, affectionately known as Horseface."

Tom sings: "I'm so alone, I don't know what to do...I look at you and I go out of focus..."

Crow cheers: "I'm a Q-Tip! What are you?"

A football cheer (Tom and Joel): "Look, look, look at my crotch! Look, look, look at my crotch! Look at my crotch! Look at my crotch! Look, look, look at my crotch...!" Loooooooook at my crotch! Yay!"

Cheating

Crow: "For depressing phone sex, dial 1-900-ALFALFA."

Grooming

"Blyah!" The guys yell as the camera zooms in too fast.

Crow: "And remember, when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Goodnight."

A Date With Your Family

Narrator: "Brother seats junior..." Crow: "Daughter obsesses with the flowers." Narrator: "...then helps Mother to her chair as he would his best girl." Mike: "The less said about this, the better." Tom: "Yeah."

Crow: "Junior seats Dad, and Sister seats the dog, and the dog..."

Narrator: "Their dinner date has begun, and they're all happy about it." Mike: "Their stomaches knotted like fists..."

Why Study Industrial Arts?

"I can't get this thing back in my pants, Earl!"

Narrator: "I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust..." Tom: "I put them in my underwear!"

Narrator: "...Or the dull tap tap of tools on leather." Crow: "Tap ta-tap-tap. I keep Popular Mechanics under my mattress! Oh!"