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A Shermer Christmas Carol
Chapter Fifty Eight
By Chris Fulmer
"Hey, you've still got half a turkey in here!" Marv exclaimed as he leafed
through the McCallisters' refrigerator, "I'll take that for the flight
tonight."
"Don't touch our stuff!" Kate bellowed from the den where she and the other
thirteen McCallisters sat tied to chairs.
"Cork it, toots, as of now you ain't got no more sayin' power!" Harry
snarled, waving his gun in her face.
"Sir, I've asked numerous times what this is all about, I demand you tell
me now!" Peter snapped at the crook.
"Fine, ya wanna know? It's yer little brat!" Harry told him, "We're usin'
ya to get him out in the open where we can destroy him!"
"Take a number, pal, we all do," Buzz commented.
"Can it, Buzz!" his father yelled at him. Turning back to Harry he said,
"Look, I don't know what Kevin's done to upset you , but I'm sure we can
talk this over like civilized people."
"We're way past civil, bub," Harry told him, "Now it's total war! Take a
look," he pushed up his lip in front of Peter, "There used to be a nice gold
tooth in there, before he had the gall to knock it out! An eye for an eye,
that's what we're aimin' for!"
"When did what you describe happen?" Kate asked.
"Oh, it's a really long story, but since we're all gonna be here a while,
might as well tell it all," Harry said, "Ya see, two years ago, Marv and me
were just two innocents cons tryin' to get rich in the cold, cruel, world.
We knew yer joint had tons of top-flight goods and had to hit it. But the
little twerp was in the way. And ya know what he had to do? He turned this
place into a funhouse and torched us over and over again!"
"That's impossible," Kate scoffed, "Kevin may get a little hot under the
collar sometimes but he'd never set out to hurt someone deliberately."
"Oh really? Well lady, whatdya think of THIS!?" Harry pulled off his glove
and showed her his hand, which still had the imprint of the McCallisters'
doorknob on it "He superheated the door and gave me this permanent tattoo,"
the criminal explained, "And believe you me, it ain't been a birthday party
havin' it!"
Kate's mind clicked. "Now I remember you," she said quietly, "You were the
cop. The cop that came by just before I sent him to the attic. You lied to
me."
"Yeah, yeah, yer breakin' my heart," Harry snorted.
"And then last year," Marv cut in, entering the den while wolfing down the
rest of the ice cream Kevin had bought the previous night, "Harry and me
had the good fortune to bust outta Joliet and head for the Big Apple to
start our careers anew. Duncan's Toy Chest was the aim. Five floors of
cash, cash, and more cash. We cased it, made all the calculations, and
almost left with a fortune--before your pipsqueak had to interfere and cause
us even more pain than we had a right to."
"You keep talking about undue pain Kevin's caused; what do you mean by
that?" Peter inquired.
"Pal, yer little pain in the neck has a bad habit of riggin' booby traps
all over the place so that some unsuspecting idiot can have the livin' hell
beaten outta him over and over again," Harry said, "I don't wanna know what
ya did to him to make him that aggressive, but it's given us cons a
nightmare to think about it."
"Um, Mr. Capone, I want you to know that I've never liked him anyway,"
Frank said in a sucking-up way, "I've always thought he was badly
raised...."
"If ya think kissin' my rear's gonna make it all good and well for ya,
baldy, you've got another thing comin'!" Harry barked at him, "Come to think
of it, we might just go and kill you first! You've been irritatin' us up
the Wazoo since we brought ya here!"
"Well that's not MY problem you can't behave in a normal manner as society
projects..." Frank started to say, but his wife gave him a sideways
head-butt. "I am not going to die here because you can't shut your mouth,
Frank!" she snapped at him.
"Hey Harry, check out all the goodies they've got in here," Marv said,
pulling open a drawer on the hutch. Harry waved his gun threateningly at
the McCallisters and went over to check it out. Kate turned to look at
Peter, concerned. "Could Kevin really have done all that?" she asked.
"I don't know," Peter admitted, "He doesn't seem the type to do that,
but...I just don't know. He was here alone for three days; he could have
done anything. And now that I think of it, since the guy said he lost his
gold tooth, that could have been what I found on the floor when we came
back."
"Ya did?" Harry rushed back over, "Where is it?"
"I threw it out a long time ago," Peter told him, "I had no idea what it
was, so I chucked it."
"For that, ya lose cold hard cash," Harry dug into Peter's pocket and
extracted his wallet, "What goes around comes around."
"Hey, even if Kevin did do what you said he did, you still had no right to
try and break into our house and steal our stuff!" Peter yelled at him.
"Well we have the guns, and what we say goes from here on," Harry said,
pushing it right up in his hostage's face, "And don't ya tell me I can't
give up a job I've been doin' for twenty years! I like it and it gives me
a sizeable income."
"Yeah, illegal income," Kate muttered.
"Say Harry, I think this could use some music, since we're gonna be here a
while," Marv said, putting a record on the player next to the window,
"Somethin' we can get in the good old holiday spirit with."
"You sing, Marv, I'm gonna finish what I tried to start two years ago;
clean out this joint," Harry hefted his crowbar and headed for the stairs.
Marv put the needle on the record and cranked up the volume up to its
highest setting. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh Grandma got run over by a reindeer," he
yowled horribly, causing all the McCallisters to cringe in pain, "Walkin'
home from our house Christmas EEEEEEEEEEEEve. You could say there's no such
thing as Santaaaaaaa, but as for me and Grandpa we
belieEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEve......"
Kevin turned the corner onto Lincoln Boulevard and gasped. "Yikes, they're
casing my house for us already!" he exclaimed.
"So where this place that you said we were going, Kevin?" Skylar asked him.
He was already looking frozen from walking outside so long in the almost
sub-zero air, and the other two orphans didn't seem to be fairing much
better.
"He's right up the street from here; let's stay on the other side of the
road and hope they don't see us," Kevin told them.
The four of them sneaked up the street, ducking behind the trees just in
case the Wet Bandits were watching from the McCallisters' windows. "That's
the place, Old Man Marley's," Kevin pointed to the house. The first thing
he happened to notice about it was the rather large number of pigeons
lounging in the tree branches surrounding the house. "Nah, couldn't be," he
thought in response to the first thought to come into his mind about seeing
this, "Could it?"
He knocked on the door. His elderly neighbor answered it. "Well, if it
isn't my young friend," his said with a smile, "I just had a feeling you'd
be coming back today."
"Really?" Kevin said, "How've you been lately?"
"Not good, not good," Old Man Marley admitted, "The cops have been on me
all week. I keep telling them I'm innocent, but they don't seem to care in
the least. Won't you come in?"
"Sure," Kevin waved the others inside. As he walked into the kitchen, he
realized that his hunch outside hadn't been an idle one. "Hey!" he
exclaimed upon seeing the pigeon lady from New York seated at Marley's
table, feeding some more of her wards, "What are you doing here!?"
"Jonathan's my brother," she told him, "When I heard on the news they were
blaming him for the latest killings I just had to come as soon as possible.
It's nice to see you again, Kevin."
"Nice to see you too, "Kevin smiled, "I still have my turtle dove."
"And so do I," the pigeon lady pulled hers out of her pocket.
"Yes, Mathilda proved to be a great boon for me over the last few days,"
Old Man Marley said, patting his sister on the shoulder, "And from what
she's told me, you've really helped her, too."
"I guess you could say that," Kevin said, "No one should be lonely."
"So you're Kevin?" came new voice from behind him. "I don't think you've
had the honor of meeting my granddaughter Angela," Old Man Marley told him,
pointing to the familiar redhead Kevin had seen two years ago at St.
Xavier's, "She's been eager to meet you."
"Really?" Kevin asked her.
"Grandpa Jonathan tells me it's because of you that I've finally got a
chance to meet him," Angela told him with a smile, "I've really gotten to
know him well since then. He's almost my best friend."
"Glad to have helped there," Kevin said, "No one should be estranged from
their family. If we didn't have them we'd...."
It was then that he noticed Skylar was staring at the television in the
next room, and looking like he was about to just explode in tears. "What?"
he asked, walking over. The image on the screen told him the whole story.
".....crews are swarming over the wreckage in the Pacific now, but it is
unlikely that there were any survivors," the announcer was saying, "Again,
bringing you up to speed, this 747 slammed into the ocean when its engines
gave out. Among those dead are Melvin and Sharon O'Sullivan, parents of
child star Skylar O'Sullivan, who was not on board. Officials are
saying...."
"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Skylar's scream of despair was loud enough to
shatter every pane of glass on Lincoln Boulevard. He collapsed in a sobbing
heap on the floor. Kevin decided to give him a minute before coming over.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I wish it hadn't come to this."
"My life is over!" Skylar howled, "I'm destitute and alone!"
"You're not alone, because we'll stay with you until you get with someone
you'll like," Kevin said, putting an arm around him.
"You don't even have anyone set up yet!" Skylar screamed in anguish, "I
have nothing!!"
"Yes you do," Kayla told him, "You have us, and we won't leave either."
"That's right," Danny added, taking Skylar's arm, "Friends never abandon
friends."
Skylar looked at them with genuine respect in his eyes. "Thanks," he said,
"It's amazing; when I first hooked up with you guys, I thought you were too
low for me, but know I know how much you've meant to me."
"I think this is time for some milk and cookies," the pigeon lady said,
taking Skylar's other hand, "We'll get you all cheered up."
"Trust her, she's nice," Kevin told Skylar when he noticed his friend's
hesitance at the pigeon lady's still haphazard appearance. He sat down at
the table with Old Man Marley as she and the orphans left. "So, how'd she
get all the pigeons on the airplane?" he asked, petting one of the several
that were actually inside the house.
"Actually she sent them ahead on an earlier flight, and customs held them
for me," the old man explained, "It's been almost nine years since I saw
her. Thought she'd died, actually. How've you been this season? I haven't
seen you in a few days."
"Oh, it's a really long story," Kevin said, "Promise you won't tell anyone,
but I'm alone again. The airlines screwed up and left me in the middle of
nowhere, and I met them. We've been chased by the cops, jumped out of a
plane, and saved some older kids from being shot. And the Bad Guys are
after me again. Nothing interesting."
" I see," Old Man Marley mused, "Alone again?"
"It's pretty hard to believe," Kevin admitted, "It's almost as if it's my
lot in life. And I don't like it one bit. At least I've had them to share
it with this time. That was a huge plus."
"I'll bet," Old Man Marley said, "An experience is always better when
you've got someone else to enjoy it with. Since you convinced me to call up
Tim--my son--I've shared a lot of experiences with a family I thought I'd
lost. For that I'll always be grateful to you."
"Don't mention it," Kevin said, feeding a cookie to another pigeon, "At
least you're lucky enough to be able to keep your family around you. I
can't understand why I keep losing mine. If I'm so nice, why do I keep
being stuck alone?"
"I wouldn't worry," Angela told him, plopping up in the chair next to him,
"They'll come back. Just like Grandpa Jonathan came back to me. Nice
things happen to nice people."
"I know," Kevin said. He had the distinct impression from the way she was
looking at him that she was planning on making a pass at him. "So, is it OK
if we stay here for a few hours at least ?" he asked her grandfather, "The
Bad Guys are over my place right now."
"Stay as long as you need to," Old Man Marley told him with a smile, "It's
the least I can do to repay you."
"Great," Kevin went over to the window and checked across the street. The
Wet Bandits' van was still parked firmly in his driveway. "Come back soon,
Mom," he prayed to her, not knowing she and the rest of his family was
actually inside the house.
On to Chapter 59
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