Chapter Forty Two

By Chris Fulmer

"Are we almost there yet?" Claire complained.

"Just around the corner, two houses down," Kevin told her. So far, they'd made what he figured was good time, but he still wanted to get home as soon as possible before the Bad Guys caught up to them.

"How are we going to be much safer at your place, Kevin?" Andrew asked him. He was puffing as he tried to keep up with the brisk pace the others were setting.

"Trust me, I have experience with guarding my house," Kevin said, "If I don't want anyone coming in, nobody comes in."

"I wouldn't mind if they came in, actually," Brian said softly. Kevin didn't understand why he'd been so sad, all the way over from the high school, but instinct told him it had something to do with the holidays. But at any rate....

"Here we are, home sweet home," he said as they turned up his driveway and up the front steps, "but before we go in...," he turned to Bender and extended his hand, "your drugs, please."

Bender smirked. "Aren't you a little young to be buying?" he asked.

"I'm not buying, I'm confiscating," Kevin said sternly, "Now hand them over."

"You're mistaken, pal, I don't have any drugs, "Bender said with mock innocence.

"You must think I'm as stupid as you are," Kevin retorted. "I know what pot is; my brother sneaks it in behind my parents' backs all the time. And although he gets away with it all the time, the family rule is no drugs in the house, and as man of the house until my family gets back, it's my responsibility to uphold the rule, so hand your drugs over now."

"And if I do, what if I don't?" Bender challenged him.

"Then we're all going to stand out here in this blizzard until you do," Kevin said coolly. He gestured with his hand again.

"If you think I'm....!" Bender began, but a Claire elbowed him sharply in the ribs. "Just do it!" she snapped, 'I'm not standing out here all night!" Bender growled in resignation. "Here, happy now!?" he grumbled, fishing a bag of pot out of his pocket and slapping it into Kevin's hand.

"All of it," Kevin said, not satisfied.

"Fine!" Bender dug up and turned over to Kevin all of his pot stash--six bags in whole.

"Thank you," Kevin said, "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

He tore the bags open and dumped all the pot on the top step. "Now what are you doing, you little weasel!" Bender demanded.

"Making sure you don't try and grab it back off me when I least expect it," Kevin struck a match and ignited the pot before Bender or anyone else could react. Thick smoke bellowed upward. Bender was beside himself with rage at this act. "You..You...That was high-grade market pot!" he sputtered in protest.

"Not anymore," Kevin said confidently. "And while I'm at it, hand over your knife, too."

"Oh no, you're not getting that too!" Bender shouted. Kevin coyly struck another match and advanced toward the bully. "Perhaps a hot foot would change your mind, blimp head," he said. Ever so slightly, a worried look crossed Bender's face. "Okay, you know what, take it, but if you don't give it back to me when we leave, it's curtains for you when I see you after the new year!" he grumbled as he pulled it out and handed it over.

"And I love you too," Kevin said sarcastically as he took the knife, "Maybe now you'll think twice about stalking kids as they come home from school and shaking them upside-down until all their money falls out." He turned to the other teens, who had been watching the whole thing with amusement. "I'm going in the back door and telling my friends you're all coming," he told them, "If you see the bad guys coming, just yell and I'll be ready for them." He took off toward the back of the house. Andrew burst into hysterical laughter once he was gone. "Oh you think that was all funny, Clark!?" Bender shot at him as he stamped out the flames from his now ruined pot.

"Oh you'd better believe it, Bender!" Andrew chortled. He was laughing so hard he was almost in danger of falling to the ground, but apparently he didn't care. "If anybody was going to bring you down, who would have thought it was going to be somebody half your age!"

"Hey, you know what else is funny, Clark? Me taking one your crutches and breaking your other leg with it, and I'll do it if you don't shut up!" Bender snarled.

"You'd better not, because Kevin'll tear your legs off and...." a new wave hysteria swept Andrew, and he half-slumped to the ground in laughter, unable to finish the sentence.

Out back, Kevin rapped on the back door. "The migrating birds fly low over the sea," he called inside, giving the predetermined password he'd use to alert the others to his presence.

"But their spirits soar high above the clouds," came Kayla's countersign. She opened the door for him. "What took you so long?" she asked him as he came inside and shook off the snow covering himself, "We were starting to get worried."

"Oh, I was just saving some people's lives, and they'll be staying the night with us for safety," Kevin said. "Did the pizzas come yet?"

"About ten minutes ago," Kayla told him.

"Good, because we're going to need all of them," Kevin said as he dropped Bender's knife down the hole of the kitchen's disposer. He pressed the start button, and the machine began to vibrate like crazy as it tried to break down the knife. Several sparks came back up through the hole, and the engine made a dying sound. Kevin didn't know if this meant the knife had been successfully destroyed, but at least he knew neither Bender nor anyone else was going to use it. "I managed to get some ice cream before my attention was distracted," he said, putting the cartons in the freezer, "so we shouldn't eat too much of the pizza."

"Should we really be eating that much?" Kayla asked, looking a little guilty, "I mean, with lots of other people starving and all..."

"Hey, it's okay to indulge,' Kevin said, getting where she was coming from, "I know we shouldn't do it too much, but it's Christmas, the one time of the year for indulgence."

The doorbell rang, cutting off the conversation from going further. "Almost forgot about them," Kevin said, chuckling. He galloped to the front door and opened it wide for the teens. "Wipe your feet before you come in," he instructed them, "Coats and other stuff on the hangers to your left."

"Yes Mommy, just don't make us eat all our vegetables!" Bender muttered as he hung up his own coat.

"Don't get me started," Kevin told him sternly. He closed the door behind Chandra, who was the last one in. "I know your brother, sort of," he told her as she hung up her earmuffs and scarf, "The older one, I mean. I have to sit next to him in social studies every day, and believe me, it's no picnic."

"Well, Zachary has his problems, and showing respect for other people is one of them, unfortunately," Chandra said in resignation to the facts. "I think it's the lack of control my parents have over him for one thing."

"You're telling me," Kevin said, "he's completely out of control at times. He does talk about you a lot, mostly saying bad things, but I don't believe him."

"Zachary takes after my mother in that regard," Chandra told him, "He was always closer to her than my father, so she put her own bad feelings into him. Now Tyler's nicer to me, probably because he's been more willing to get to know me, but he gets overruled a lot."

"Say Kevin, where's the pizzas?" Andrew called into him.

"Probably in the den if they're not in the kitchen," Kevin called back. He told Chandra in parting, "If anyone here gives you a bad time tonight, let me know and I'll set it right," before joining the others in the den. Danny and Skylar were plopped on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune on TV, munching away on pizzas from the boxes stacked on the nearby lamp table. "How much have you had so far?" he asked them.

"We're still only on our first slice each," Danny told him.

"Good, because our guests are going to want some too," Kevin gestured to the teens, who were being drawn to the pizzas as if they were magnetized. All except Brian, that is, who basically hovered around t he door, looking unhappy. Kevin couldn't ignore this. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked the brain.

"Not really," Brian told him.

"What's bothering you?" Kevin went on.

Brian sighed. "You wouldn't understand, Kevin," he said.

"Oh, I just might," Kevin told him, "My mom always said that you should tell people your problems as soon as you can, or it'll eat you up inside, and I can tell you I'm a good listener. SO what's troubling you.

But Brian merely shook his head and walked away. Kevin made a mental note to continue asking him later.

"No toppings, Kevin?" Allison asked him, looking little disappointed as she looked between boxes to find only cheese pizzas.

"I only get cheese, since if I order toppings and the other people around me don't like what I get, it'll have been a waste," Kevin explained, hefting a slice of his own.

"Do you happen to have anything worth drinking here?" Claire called from the kitchen.

"Soda's on the bottom shelf, it's right in plain view," Kevin called back.

"Let me guess, family rule is 'No beer,'" Bender muttered sarcastically.

"Yeah, and a matter of fact it's also no taking potshots at the host or his family," Kevin retorted back, "You're almost grown up now, surely you can go a night without beer."

"It's 'Don't tell my heart, my achy, breaky heart,' you fool!" Skylar yelled at the TV screen as the contestant fumbled with the answer to the puzzle.

"What round is it?" Allison asked, leaning over top of him to get a better look at the puzzle.

"First," Danny told her, "the player in yellow's got the most money so far."

"Uh, I guess I'd better dispense with the introductions while we're all here," Kevin said, pointing at each person as he spoke, "These are Skylar and Danny, they're not from around here, and Kayla's in the kitchen, she'll be in shortly. Guys, I'd like you to meet Allison, Andrew, Brian, Chandra, John..."

"That's Bender, if you don't mind!" Bender whispered harshly in his ear.

"Sorry, my mistake, BENDER," Kevin said roughly, "and also in the kitchen is Claire. I hope you'll all enjoy the evening."

"Hello," everybody said sort of dismissively to each other.

"Thank you, that wasn't so hard to figure out!" Skylar commented to the screen as the contestant with the blue space finally solved the puzzle. "Honestly, sometimes these contestants are real idiots," he confided in everyone else, "This one time the guy answered 'A group of pill pushers' when that definitely wasn't the answer, that really cracked me up."

"The soda's not even in the fridge, Kevin," Claire complained as she came into the den, looking miffed.

Kevin frowned. "It was there just a half hour ago," he said, confused.

"I looked too," Kayla came in from behind Claire, "I didn't see it either."

"Well we couldn't have..." Danny began.

"Uh oh!" Kevin exclaimed suddenly. His gaze had happened to fall out the window, where he saw the Bad Guys' van pulling up out front. He grabbed the remote and flicked off the TV. "Hit the lights!" he yelled flicking off some of the switches himself. He ran to the front door and slid the chain lock into place. "Now just stay down and be quiet," he advised the others.

"I think I'd rather...." a still-standing Brian began.

"Please!" Kevin pulled him down and out of sight not a moment too soon, for there came a pounding on the door. "OK kid!" came the short guy's voice, 'It's us again! We know yer in there, and dat yer hoardin' the kids from detention, so surrender 'em now and we'll go easy on ya!"

"Yeah kid, we might even be tempted to let ya live!" yelled the tall guy.

"Wouldja let me handle this, Marv!" shouted his partner. After a few moments of silence from the kids inside, he pounded again. "If ya don't open up, kid, we're comin' in, and no little goodies're stop us this time!" he bellowed. After no one made a sound, he said, "Come on Marv, we're goin in from above!" Kevin rushed to the window and watched as the two crooks moved over to the side of the house. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying now, but he knew from the last comment that they were going to the upper floors somehow, and he didn't have enough time to rig a booby trap for them. But there was something else he could do. He ran over to Bender and grabbed him by the hand. "Do you want to make yourself useful for once?" he asked him. "What are you getting at?" Bender frowned.

"Just follow me then," Kevin dragged him toward the stairs before he could react.

Outside, Marv was shaking his head violently. "It ain't right, Harry, it just ain't!" he pleaded with his buddy.

"Marv, dontcha go chicken on me!" Harry snarled, "Now get up that tree and get in the joint!"

Marv looked up the tall tree near the McCallisters' bathroom window and whimpered. He never had liked high places. "Why can't you do it, Harry?" he asked, desperate for an out.

"Nobody asked me to!" Harry told him.

"Oh," Marv said. Then he dropped to his knees and pleaded, "PLEEEASE do it for me, Harry!"

"Marv," Harry said sternly, "if ya don't get up there, I'm gonna castrate ya."

Marv paled at this thought. "You win," he shrugged and started reluctantly up the tree.

Upstairs, Kevin dug frantically through his drawers. "Where is it, where is it!?" he thought to himself. Finally he found it: the tape of Uncle Frank singing in the shower he'd used last year. He stuck it in his tape recorder and hit the rewind button.

"Hey sunspot, is this going to take much longer!?" Bender yelled in at him.

"I'm ready now," Kevin ran out and tugged him into the bathroom. "Get in here," he said, pushing the teen into the shower, "and make like you're taking a bath. When you hear the song end, turn and point your finger at the window. I'll do all the rest."

He turned on the shower. Bender was immediately saturated. "Hey! What the hell are you doing!" he shouted in protest.

"Saving all of us," Kevin told him, pulling the shower curtain closed.

"Well you can forget it! I'm not taking part in this!" Bender yelled, starting to climb out of the tub. Kevin got between him and the door. "Do you really want to get shot to death by these guys!?" he asked him firmly. Bender thought this over. "All right, I guess not, but you'd..." he began. "Then please help me here!" Kevin pushed him back into the shower, "And while you're at it, try and dance a little to the song, like you're enjoying it." "How can I possibly enjoy....!" Bender started yelling at him.

"Shhhhh!" Kevin gestured at him. He glanced out the window he'd cracked just barely open to see Marv about two thirds of the way up the tree, being egged on brutally by Harry below. He had the same uneasy look on his face as he had the last two Christmases when he'd been forced to climb out on a high line. Kevin waited until he was almost at the window before he held up the tape recorder to the window and pressed the play button. The tape cranked up to life: "We know a guy who can really do the cool-jerk," crooned Uncle Frank. Kevin frowned. "I don't remember recording this part," he thought to himself, but shrugged and thought, "Oh well, better too much than too little."

Outside, Marv pulled himself level with the bathroom window. Can ya see anything?" Harry called up to him.

"Uh,...." Marv looked in the window and frowned in confusion. "What? What is it?" Harry called up, having noticed his buddy's puzzled look.

"It's a guy takin' a shower," Marv said. He couldn't quite piece it together.

"Huh?" Harry was just as confused below.

"He's singin', too," Marv went on, "pretty badly."

Inside, Kevin was pleased that at least the first part of the plan was going smoothly. Even if Bender was only putting in a halfhearted effort in "dancing" to the music, he could tell from the tall guy's befuddled expression that it was good enough, as Uncle Frank crooned away on the tape: "...and on their faces, they wear a silly smirk, 'cause they know I'm the king of the cooooooool-jer-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rk!!"

Kevin recognized the point of action. "Now," he whispered to Bender, who luckily was able to turn and point his finger at the window at the exact moment Uncle Frank yelled, "Get outta here you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!" on the tape. It worked beautifully; Marv gasped in shock at being caught as a "peeper" and accidentally let go of the branch, falling about twenty-five feet to the ground. "YES!" Kevin exclaimed, pumping his hand in the air in victory.

Bender threw open the shower curtain. He was sopping wet all over, and fuming like there was no tomorrow. "And now that they're gone, you little worm, I'm going to tear you limb from....!" he started to shout.

"Are they gone yet, Kevin?" Skylar asked, sticking his head in the door. He took one look at Bender's condition and began laughing. "It's not funny, jackass!" Bender barked at him.

"Excuse me," Kevin brushed out the door. He'd seen the Bad Guys start off toward the front of the house. He dashed to his parents' room and slid the window open so he could eavesdrop on them. "....he's behind it, no doubt in my mind," Harry was saying, "We're gonna call Ritchie and Eddie and tell 'em to come over."

"I don't think the guy in the shower's gonna like us comin' in, Harry!" Marv protested.

"Marv, ain't it occurred to ya that it might be the kid pullin' a fast one on us?" Harry implored. "The whole house is dark, and the only guy inside happens to be takin' a shower? If he thinks he can still fool Harry Lyme after two years, he's got another thing comin! Come on, we're comin' back with reinforcements."

"Oh no, it didn't fool them!" Kevin slapped his hands to his face.

"It didn't work?" Danny asked, coming up behind him.

"No," Kevin watched as the Bad Guys trudged off into the night. He did some quick thinking. "I'm going to have to pull out all the stops this time to stop them," he said out loud to no one in particular. "What does that entail?" Danny asked him.

"The works," Kevin said cryptically. He ran over to the stairwell railing. "They'll be back, and I'm going to need all your help to get rid of them this time," he called to everyone downstairs.

"Oh no!" Bender shouted at him from the bathroom, "I'm through doing anything with you!"

"Fine then," Kevin rolled his eyes, "Just stay up here and keep you mouth shut."