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A Shermer Christmas Carol

Chapter Twenty Seven

By Chris Fulmer


Buck pulled his car through the big hole in the front of his garage. He didn't much care for fixing it tonight; he was too worn day by the roughest day of his life. He flicked the switch on the garage wall that turned on the house's outside Christmas lights. "Cecil, I'm home," he called into the main house. Cecil trotted into sight. He looked much fatter than usual. Fearing the worst, Buck galloped into the kitchen. Sure enough, the refrigerator was wide open and food was scattered all over the place.

"Cecil!" he yelled at the dog, "Don't tell me you were THAT hungry! What am I going to eat now!?" Cecil's only response to this was a loud burp. Buck was set to reprimand him, but then he noticed something well out of the ordinary by the door...a human skull. Puzzled and concerned, he picked it up. It looked quite old and was in an advanced state of decay, but it was visible from the huge indentation on its forehead that whoever it had been had died from a severe blow to the head. "Cecil, where'd you find this?" he asked the dog.

Cecil rushed out the dog door in the kitchen door, barking behind himself for his master to follow. Buck grabbed a flashlight out of the drawer and followed after the dog. Cecil led him down the bank behind the house to some bushes, where he began barking louder than ever. Buck shone the flashlight into the bushes. The beam reflected off a couple more bones and some of the leftover metal and glass from Mr. Frye's Ferrari that had come flying apart from the car after it had crashed into the ravine. Buck whistled in amazement.

"I think you've come across something big here, Cecil," he told his dog, "We should probably tell the cops about this."

He scrambled back up the bank, thoughts of some kind of a reward for finding these remains dancing in his head. He dialed 911 on the phone, but it was five minutes later before a voice came on to say, "Thank you for calling the Shermer Police Department. Please hold on, your call is very important to us."

"Oh I can see that!" Buck muttered to himself as the elevator music came back on the line. This time the wait was ten minutes before a tired voice came on and said, "Thank you for holding, this is Sergeant Balzak, how may I help you?"

"Yeah, my name Buck Russell, I live at 4386 Tottoa Lane, and I've just found a skull in the woods behind my house," Buck told him.

"Does the skull belong to a person you know or used to know?" Sergeant Balzak asked matter-of-factually.

"No," Buck said, confused.

"Were you around when the murder took place, if indeed it was a murder?"

"No, I just found the skull and some bones."

"Are you aware of the method used in the killing, if indeed it was a killing."

"No, but it looks like someone crushed his head in with a frying pan or an elephant or something."

"Have you tampered with the scene or the remains in any way, shape or form since the discovery of this skull?"

"No, um, unless you count me picking it up and looking at it." Buck was a little taken aback by the slow and seemingly monotonous interrogation he was going through. "Look, uh, can you just, uh, send a unit over to secure the scene right now?"

"I'd like to sir, but right now this department's a little backlogged with searching for those crooks who broke out of Joliet a couple of days ago, especially the South Bend Shovel Slayer," Sergeant Balzak told him. "We'll get a unit over in the morning to take a look at it; until then, just make sure nothing happens to the evidence. Thank you."

"But don't you..." Buck started to say, but Sergeant Balzak hung up on him. No sooner had he put down the receiver, though, than the phone rang again. Expecting it to be the sergeant calling back, he picked it back up. "Yeah?"

"Buck!" shouted the person at the other end. It was Cindy...and Buck had a sinking feeling that what she had to say wasn't going to be pleasant. "Oh hi Cindy, how's your evening going?" he asked as nicely as he could.

"Don't hi me, Buck!" Cindy snapped. Her voice sounded more nasal than usual, likely due to her cold. "Do you want to explain to me why there was a picture of Maizy riding a race horse on the evening news!?"

"Oh no," Buck groaned to himself, "we didn't get away from the cameras in time!" He laughed nervously and managed to say, "Well, that's just another sign that the press is going downhill when they stoop to covering girls at races as their top story!"

"Save me the beer commercial, Buck!" Cindy wasn't buying it, "You said you were giving up the race track seven months ago, but I guess you just weren't up to par on that promise!"

"No it's not...I mean...if you'll just....please...give...I didn't...you don't know...the boss...would you gimme a...no don't hang...oohhhhh!" Buck's attempt to get a word in was cut short as Cindy abruptly hung up. He barely had a moment to relax, however, before the phone rang yet again. "Yes?" he said.

"Well hello Buck," said a very sarcastic Chanice, "Did you enjoy your little excursion to the racetrack today?"

"Look, I can explain everything...!"

"I'm sure you can Buck, but the problem is I don't care to hear it. Especially since you said you be helping me pick out the cake today but didn't show up even though I waited outside the store for nearly an hour and a half."

"Well I tried to call you earlier, Chanice, but you were out with Scrooge McDuck all day; what the hell was I supposed to do!?" Buck protested. "And to top it off, the boss cut my paycheck without reason this afternoon, so I had to find another way to get the money for presents. And I swear on my life I didn't bet a cent today; I wouldn't want to give the kids ideas!"

"Mm hmm," Chanice also wasn't going to accept his word as gold, "I'm sure you didn't. Merry Christmas, Buck."

"No Chanice, don't...OOOOOHHHHHH!!!" for the third straight time, Buck was hung up on. He slammed down the receiver. Things had just gone from worse to utterly abysmal.

Cecil came back in clutching about nine more bones. "Nice work Cecil," Buck told him blankly, patting him on the head. "Just put 'em down over in the corner." He waddled into the kitchen and took the last bottle of champagne that Cecil hadn't already drained out of the refrigerator. Slumping down on the couch, he popped it open and drank about half the bottle in one gulp.

"How'd I come to this, Cecil?" he asked the dog. Cecil was chewing on a rib bone that was probably Grade A evidence, but Buck didn't really care about that or anything else at the moment. "All my life, I've always managed to fail people's expectations of me," he continued. "First my parents, then the army, and now my fiancée and family. I know I'm not the most dependable guy on earth, but I'll bet a lot of the people on this planet would have done exactly the same thing I did. Well, not everybody, but enough to make it a majority. Why can't they all just understand that I am who I am?" He took another long swig. "But it'll all be better tomorrow," he told Cecil, "always is. I'm sure you can vouch for that when I..."

Just then the outside lights all blinked off. "Now what!?" Buck shouted to nobody in particular, "I didn't ask for this!" With a loud groan, he rose and halfheartedly tossed the bottle at Cecil. "Here, you finish the rest," he told him. Cecil eagerly began lapping up the remaining champagne. Buck half-stumbled down the stairs to the basement and picked up his ladder and toolbox from the wall. These in hand, he headed up and outside, placed the ladder up against the side of his house, lit up his pipe, and started climbing up.

"Now let's see, which one of you little devils is the guilty one?" he asked all the dark lights before him on the roof. He began walking along the rows, carefully inspecting each bulb as he went. None of them betrayed any sign of being faulty. As he neared the top of the roof, he was turning to start on another row when he slipped on an unseen patch of ice and began rolling screaming down the roof. As his left foot had accidentally been hooked around one of the light cables at that exact moment, it was ripped loose from the roof, as were all the other cables along the way, so when he plunged over the side, he was completely wrapped up in his own lights, although this had the fortunate effect of breaking his fall inches from the ground, leaving him suspended like a yo-yo from the roof.

"HELP, CECIL!!!" he screamed, unable to move much apart from small squirming. Cecil came to the window, took one look at his master's predicament, and began huffing loudly as if laughing.

"Hey, Cecil, get back here!" Buck protested as his pet flicked off the lights inside and darted into the bedroom, "Don't you lie down in my bed; I'll have to shampoo it, and I don't have the money!" A loud howl told him Cecil was doing just that. He sighed. "This shouldn't have to happen to a dog!"


"Come on honey, I think you're overreacting here a little," Bob pleaded with his wife.

"Bob, Buck takes Miles and Maizy to the racetrack--without our knowing, even--and you think I'm overreacting!?" Cindy snapped at him.

"Well, I don't think he meant any harm by doing it."

"Right, just as..." Cindy coughed loudly, then continued, "...just as Hitler didn't mean any harm by invading Poland!"

"Well Buck's not Hitler by any stretch of the imagination."

"Oh come off it Bob; you can't protect him this time!" Cindy coughed some more before saying, "I think we should cut him off to the kids until he learns his lesson!"

"Now let's just set things straight here a minute, honey," Bob held up his hands. "I agree with you fully that what Buck did today was wrong and that we should take every precaution to make sure it doesn't happen again. But I don't think throwing him out is the answer. And besides," his face shriveled up with pain, "I don't think he could take being thrown out again."

"Your parents?" Cindy asked him. Bob nodded. "Well they're..." More coughing, "...not around to..."

Just then Tia came in the front door. "Well, where've you been tonight?" Bob asked his oldest child.

"Out," Tia said, heading for the staircase without wanting to finish the conversation.

"Out where?" Cindy asked, eyebrows raised.

"With a new friend," Tia said impatiently.

"Well you could have called; we were starting to get worried," her mother said in a stern but accepting tone. "Who is she? Or he?"

"I'll explain in the morning," Tia strode up the stairs before Cindy could inquire further. She and her husband exchanged uneasy glances. "What do you suppose that was all about?" she asked him, "She's been so open the last couple of months."

"Beats me," Bob shrugged.

"Well once I go take my medicine I'll..." Cindy started coughing heavily and scurried off toward the kitchen. Bob trudged into the living room and sat down on the sofa. At that point, Miles, who'd apparently been eavesdropping on the whole conversation, popped up from behind it. "Please don't send UB away, Dad!" he pleaded his father, "He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Well, I know he didn't mean any harm, buddy, but what he did, taking you and your sister to the track without telling your mom and I, well, he...he probably should have told us first," Bob said, not too convincingly.

"But he didn't bet a cent; his friends did, but he didn't!" Miles protested. "I'll testify to the Supreme Court on it! You have to believe me on it."

Bob couldn't help but smile. "I do believe you, Miles," he said, pulling his son close, "but it's just that...well...your uncle hasn't exactly been on the level with your mom and I in the past, and as much as I want to take his word for it that he didn't gamble, I'm afraid he's going to have to prove it this time."

Miles looked a little hurt by this. "It just won't be Christmas without him!" he said and broke into a run out of the living room. Once he'd left, Cindy came back in, apparently having watched her son's exit. She turned to her husband with a long look of resignation. "All right, we'll give him another chance, but this'll be his last one," she said. "If we find he's done anything illegal with the kids while we're getting my parents, he'll never set foot in this house again."

"Fair enough with me, honey," Bob said, relieved inside that the situation had reached a peaceful end.

"Good," Cindy seemed glad there'd been an agreement between them. "Well, I've just got to go..." More coughing. "...up to see what's going on with our daughter now."

"Right, I'll be up once I'm finished with me coffee Bob told her. As Cindy left, though, the one thought that had crept into his mind since he'd seen Maizy on TV not more than a half hour ago sprang up again: As much as he loved Buck as a brother, what on earth had he been thinking?


"Okay, we've been walking for almost a half hour here, where's this shelter you were promising!?" Skylar demanded.

"Have patience; the real world doesn't give you instant gratification!" Kevin snapped at him. Inside, though, he was beginning to get a little concerned himself. Although the snow was still only coming down as flurries, he felt it was imperative to get out of it before things did get worse. The Christmas Star, however, seemed to be leading them to nowhere in particular. And on top of it all, they'd had to cross several streams along the way, which had seemed to get Danny all riled up over and over again, and Kevin was hoping desperately that the Mississippi wasn't in front of them somewhere.

"I can't go on much further!" Kayla panted, out of breath.

"Don't worry, just one more hill to go," Kevin told her, not that optimistic inside.

"You said that three hills ago!" Skylar snapped.

But once the four of them crested the top of the hill, even he had to fall silent in awe. For standing in front of them was the silent outline of an old mansion of some kind that looked like it had once been glamorous but now was in a state of decay. Kevin noticed with relief that the Christmas star had parked right over it. "This is it," he said, "this is where we spend the night."

"Are you kidding!? That place wouldn't be right for a hobo to spend the night at!" Skylar protested. "And on top of that, it's probably swarming with mice and other pests!"

"Well I don't happen to see any other place we can go, and as far as I know, mice don't come out in subfreezing temperatures like this," Kevin told him, trying to contain his frustration. "But if you're so bent on rubbing it in with me that you'll sleep outside in the snow, go right ahead, I won't object."

"Maybe I will, so there!" Skylar snapped at him, but looked as if he'd rather be inside than out on a night like this.

"But what if somebody lives here?" Kayla asked as Kevin pushed open the rusty gate to the mansion. "We don't want to wake them up in the middle of the night."

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that," Kevin told her. "I just have a feeling that there hasn't been another human being in this house for at least the last ten years." He walked up to the window next to the front door and looked around inside the foyer for any sign of motion that would give away someone. There was none to be seen.

"Nope, I think we've got the place all to ourselves," he called back to the others.

"Good, because I think I've walked as far as I can for one night!" Danny said, flopping down in exhaustion on an old lounge chair one the porch.

"Same here," Kayla fell into his lap, looking worn out.

"Likewise here," Kevin said. He gave the doorknob a twist. It was locked firm. Undeterred, he climbed up onto an empty porch chair, reached up, and lifted open the window on the other side of the door. "Our paradise for the evening awaits us," he said, gesturing them inside.

"If this is paradise, I hate to see what the pits are like!" Skylar grumbled as they all climbed down into the mansion's kitchen. "What exactly are we supposed to be looking for anyway?"

"Preferably the master bedroom, although any place with a halfway decent bed will do fine," Kevin told him.

"I guess it's right up those stairs over there," Danny pointed to a grand sweeping staircase like those seen in many luxury houses visible through a window in the kitchen door.

"Works for me," Kevin said, leading the way into the parlor and up the stairs. He had a little bit of difficulty with them, though, because the wall alongside it was little more than stained-glass windows looking out on the grounds, and although the top of the landing was no more than thirty feet at most above the ground, Kayla's fear of heights kicked in again after she took just one glimpse out the windows and grabbed hold of the staircase railing with her eyes closed, whimpering loudly.

"It's okay," Kevin told her, taking hold of her hand, "Just hold on tight. We'll take it one step at a time."

He helped her up slowly but surely to the top of the stairs. "Thanks," she told him, staring down at the solid floor to regain her composure.

"Can we just find the master bedroom or wherever we're staying?" Skylar interceded.

"All right all ready!" Kevin gave him a very searing look. Glancing around, he noticed a very large pair of double doors at the end of a long hallway ahead of them.

"Down this way," he said, leading them down the corridor. Glancing in the door, he smiled and nodded. "This is it," he said, opening the door wide. The bedroom was quite large, even by contemporary standards. The ceiling had to be at least fifteen feet high. The bed was of the four post variety, with lush purple curtains. A large fireplace ruled the wall on the right. A tall window overlooked the grounds.

Kayla summed up everyone's reaction to the room. "Wow, I'll bet whoever lived here was assistant to the president or something!" she exclaimed, running to the bed and jumping on it.

"Well, I'm not sure if he was with the president, but he probably was pretty important in this area," Kevin smiled, remembering at how he'd jumped on his own bed in joy after first realizing his family had disappeared two years ago. And after how long Kayla had been without a soft bed, he really couldn't blame her.

"Well whoever he was, at least he's not here anymore," Skylar seemed the least phased about the magnitude of the building. "Now if you all don't mind, I've had a very long day, so let me sleep and don't wake me up."

"Don't you worry, we certainly won't," Kevin said shaking his head in disgust as Skylar lay down on a sofa in the corner with his back to everyone. He pulled a pack of matches out of his pocket, struck one, and lit some logs that had been left in the fireplace.

"Best if we have some heat for the night," he told the others. He noticed that Kayla, despite her buoyant energy just a minute ago, had somehow already dozen off. He smiled. She deserved a restful night sleep. Danny was tucking her in. "Sleep well, Kayla," he was telling her.

"I think she will," Kevin said. "You really care for her, don't you?"

"Yeah, she kind of reminds me of my sister Shauntay. I looked out for her a lot too, before,..." That same pained expression that had first come out when they'd parachuted into the creek surfaced again.

"You can tell me what happened, it's okay with me," Kevin told him.

Danny took a deep breath. "You know, it's really ironic how you said you wished for your family to disappear, because,...I wished the same thing, and...well I didn't have the happy ending you did."

He strode over to the window, looking lost in another world. "You see," he continued, "there was this winter carnival in town last January, and I wanted to go so badly, but my parents wouldn't let me go since it was on a school night, so I snuck out after dinner and went on my own. I was really enjoying myself there...until the whole family showed up and grounded me for the rest of the winter for not telling them. As we drove home, I was so mad at them, I wished they'd all just get out of my life. Little did I know..."

He gulped as if swallowing a bitter pill. "We were driving home alongside a river," he said, and as we went around a turn, the car hit a patch of ice. My dad tried to straighten it out, but he couldn't and we slid into the river. The next several minutes happened in slow motion. I knew I had to get out and fast. I pounded on the back windshield as the water poured into the front of the car, but I couldn't break it. My legs were under by the time I gave it up and realized I'd have more luck with the driver's side window. It was stuck at first, but I managed to get it open wide enough to squirm out of. It seemed like the surface was a mile away, and I don't know how I managed to hold my breath as long as I did, but I made it up. After I crawled to shore, I waited ten minutes for my family to come up, but they never did."

He broke down into tears. Kevin couldn't help but do the same. "So that's why you're afraid of water," he said. Danny nodded. "Look, I know that it would seem you did it, but it wasn't your fault," Kevin said, putting his arm around him. "It was just an accident, OK?"

Danny forced a nod. "Did you love your family most of the time?" Kevin asked.

"Well, yeah, but I didn't really realize it until they were gone," Danny lamented. "It's a huge step down from a nice warm home to several cold orphanages."

"I know, but if you loved them, then you really didn't mean what you wished, and it didn't work," Kevin told him. "I know I say things I don't mean all the time, we all do. And I think somehow they know you didn't mean it either, and right now they're watching over you."

"Really?" Danny was starting to come around a bit.

"Yeah, I think that parents who die watch over their kids afterward, just to make sure they make it," Kevin strolled over to the window. "I think someone watches over all the orphans of the world, like their protector. That's why I survived the bad guys."

He stood staring up at the stars for what must have been a long time, because when he turned back around, Danny had fallen asleep in an armchair. His tears had dried. Kevin smiled and covered his best new friend with a nearby blanket. "Sleep well," he told him.

He turned back toward the window and looked up at the moon, peaking through the clouds. The words began rolling off his tongue without his even noticing it: "Somewhere, out there, beneath the pale moon light, someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight."

At that moment in Nashville, Kate glanced up from the magazine she'd been trying to read in a futile attempt to forget all her worries, looked out the airport window, and found herself saying, "Somewhere, out there, someone's saying a prayer, that we'll find one another, in that big somewhere out there."

Back in Wichita, Peter lifted his head up of the pillow, where he'd been trying to ignore the fact that Campion had rolled over on top of him for about the third time and was squeezing his breasts again, looked out the motel window at the nearly full moon glowing through it, and started singing softly, "And even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star."

"And when the night wind starts to sing its lonesome lullaby," Kate continued in Nashville, "it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky."

"Somewhere, out there," all three McCallisters simultaneously sang without knowing it, "if love can see us through, then we'll be together, somewhere out there, out where dreams come true."

Campion snorted loudly and rolled over, leaving his foot in Peter's face. He pushed it out of the way. "Good night, honey," he said to the moon.

"Good night, Peter," Kate said dreamily out the window, wishing she could say it in person, "Good night, Kevin."

"Good night, Mom," Kevin said to the moon. He trotted over to the bed and jumped in next to Kayla. She rolled over in her sleep and placed her arm around him.

Unlike his father in Wichita, Kevin didn't mind it. He was just glad to be able to give them all a nice place to spend the night.


On to Chapter 28