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A Shermer Christmas Carol

Chapter Sixteen

By Chris Fulmer


"Like I said, Bob, Cecil got drunk and didn't wake me up on time; that's why I wasn't there this morning," Buck explained over the phone to his brother.

"Okay, I guess those things happen," Bob said, sounding not too sure of himself.

"Cindy wasn't too mad, was she?" Buck asked.

"No, but I think you should try to be more punctual from now on, Buck, or else she might be in the future," Bob said. "I've got to get going now, I've got an appointment with my boss in about ten minutes."

"Right, see you later Bob," Buck hung up. He breathed a huge sigh of relief; he had been worried his family would be mad he wasn't there earlier in the morning.

The phone rang again. Buck picked it back up. "Yeah?" he said into it.

"How ya doing, Buck?" came Roger's voice from the other end.

"Well, it's been a rough morning, Roger," Buck admitted. "Where are you?"

"I'm in Rocco's store playing the lottery," Roger told him. "You haven't forgotten what we talked about yesterday, have you?"

"Uh, no. I'm still looking for someone to take the kids for me. If I can't, then I guess I'll bring them with me, I guess."

"Okay, well, call me again if you can't come, but we're all going to be there," Roger said.

"Right. Talk to you later." Buck hung back up. His brow furled. The one thought that came to his mind was to call Chanice on the matter, as she always enjoyed being with Miles and Maizy, so he began dialing the familiar number to Kobaloski Tires.

There was a long pause on the other end before the line was picked up and someone said, "Hello?" Buck recognized him as Chanice's top assistant. "Yeah, Leroy, it's Buck," the counselor said. "I'd like a word with Chanice."

"Sorry Buck, I'm afraid she's stepped out for the day," Leroy said.

"Stepped out for the day?" Buck frowned. "What do you mean she stepped out for the day?"

"Some guy stopped by earlier this morning and took her out for the day," Leroy explained, "She left me in charge."

"What guy?" Buck demanded. "Would he by any chance have been named Tarquin?"

"Uh, yeah, I think he was now that you mention it."

"Damn it!" Buck slammed his fist down on the desk in frustration, then grabbed it in pain.

"Is everything okay there, Buck?" Leroy asked.

"Uh yeah, everything's fine, Leroy," Buck said quickly. "If Chanice does come in, tell her I'd like to have a word with her."

"Right on, Buck. Have a nice day."

"Same to you," Buck hung up. "Jerk!" he muttered under his breath, "can't he realize that she's not his anymore!"

The buzzing of his intercom distracted him for the moment. "Miss Jeannie Bueller here to see you," Janet announced.

"Okay, send her in," Buck said over the speaker. He hoped she wouldn't be in an upset mood; he'd seen enough emotional misery already this morning.

Jeannie, however, looked more furious than sad as she entered his office. "You're the guidance counselor, right?" she asked him.

"Yep, that's me," Buck told her. "You're not suicidal or depressed, are you?"

"No, but in a few weeks I might be."

"You're Ferris Bueller's sister, aren't you?"

"Yes," Jeannie said, clearly not pleased at being so quickly connected with her brother, "and it's him I'd like to talk about."

"What about him?"

"Well, in a nutshell, I hate him and my entire family," Jeannie stated. "He gets all the attention in the family, and I get nothing. And since I got him out of a jam last spring, I can't really complain about it to him or anyone."

She leaned in closer. "And it's been even worse since his friend moved in with us earlier this year. He's drawn away all the attention I used to get. It's irritating."

"Who would that be?"

"Cameron. Cameron Frye. He's the biggest loser in the world, but my parents still treat him like he's an angel," Jeannie told him.

"Oh Cameron, I've seen him in the halls, he seems like a..." Buck noticed Jeannie's expression rapidly darkening. "OK, enough about him," he said quickly. "You were saying about your brother?"

"He breaks every rule in the book, and he gets away with it every time," Jeannie said. "Right now I think it was him who threw the alarm last period."

"Why would he do that?" Buck asked.

"I don't know, but he just loves skipping school for every reason in the book!" Jeannie shouted at him.

"Okay, there's no need to get all frustrated!" Buck said, raising his hands. "So what can I do to help you on this?"

"Simple. Call my family and tell them to start paying more attention to me," Jeannie told him.

"Well, you know I can't just do that," Buck tried to explain.

"Look, I don't care what your ethics are; I'm suffering here!" Jeannie yelled. "Last year my field hockey team made it all the way to the state quarterfinals, but did my parents come to a single game? No! But when Ferris pitches the baseball team to only the district finals, they're there front and center! It's favoritism and I'll be traumatized if I have to go through with it any further!"

"Did you think about maybe just sitting down and talking with..." Buck began.

"Fine! I can tell you don't want to help me!" Jeannie jumped to her feet and stormed for the door.

"No, no, of course I want to help you, if you'll just give me a..." Buck pleaded after her. Jeannie slammed the door on him. Buck put his head in his hands. "...chance," he said, finishing his own sentence.

The bell rang. Buck relaxed back in his seat. He could expect a respite from the woes of this morning now, as Tia usually stopped by to pay a very brief visit just before fourth period. Sure enough, there was a knock on his door and his niece entered. "Hi," she greeted him, "you look frayed."

"Well, Tia, it's been a long morning," he told her.

"Rumor's going around there was a suicide inside one of the bathrooms; who was it?" Tia asked him with great interest.

"Tia, you know I can't release someone's name when that happens to him, and he didn't die, although he came close," Buck said. "You're not still upset about not having a date, are you?"

"No I'll get over it," Tia said with a forced smile. She looked up at the clock on the wall. "Well, I guess I'd better get going or I'll be late for class."

"Right, see you after school," Buck called after her.

"Bye," as Tia turned around to wave goodbye to him one last time, someone bumped into her, sending both of them to the floor.

"I'm sorry there," the boy said. He extended his hand. "Let me give a hand there."

"Thank..." Tia looked up at him and immediately was stuck by the fact that he was the most attractive boy she'd ever seen. "I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"Don't feel bad," the boy told her. He was looking at her with just as much interest. "It was as much my fault."

"Oh," Tia was so overcome with delight that it took her a moment to compose herself. "I-I'm Tia Russell. What's yours?"

"Cutter. Cutter Tarquin."


"I thought the way Mrs. Levinson laid out that exam was too hard," Samantha told Randy as they left their math class.

"If you ask me, I think the woman isn't competent enough to teach a class," Randy commented. "I mean, there's a difference between learning and oppression, and that is definitely oppression."

She reached her locker and started turning the combination. "So what time does your sister come in?"

"About six o'clock," Samantha told her.

"Do you think the baby will arrive during Christmas?"

"It's hard to say. After all, everyone in my family was born later than expected," Samantha leaned against the locker wall. "It's hard to believe Ginny's going to be a mother now. I mean, it's to think of your own sister that way when she's been...well...you know what I mean."

"She looked her friend in the face. "She's not the only one coming in, though," she said with a bit of disappointment in her voice. "We just got word last night that the Donger's family's decided to come in for the holidays, so until New Year's, the house is going to be swarming with Chinese people."

"Is that our New Year or theirs?" Randy asked her.

"God, I hope it's just ours," Samantha grimaced. "I'd hate to have them here until February. Especially if they're as much party animals as he is."

"Oh look, there's Jake," Randy pointed down the hall. Jake was standing by one of the stairwells talking to Andrew...and Samantha's attention was immediately taken by the large cast on the wrestler's right leg. "What happened to him?" she asked out loud.

"Beats me, but there's a rumor going around that he broke it at a match last night," Randy explained.

"That's gotta be a pain," Samantha commented. Interested in Jake, she walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hi there," she said.

Jake turned around. "Oh, hi there Sam," he said with a smile, turning back to Andrew, he said, "I'll talk to you later, Andy."

"Sure Jake," Andrew said in a low voice. He looked abysmal. Samantha couldn't help but feel a little pity as the wrestler slunk away on a pair of crutches.

"What happened to him?" she asked Jake.

"Oh, well, he had a really rough night last night, Sam, but I think he'll get over it," Jake told her. "So, you still on for tomorrow night?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Samantha told him with a big smile. "What time are you coming?"

"Expect me around six."

"I will."


The manager of the motel Neal and Del had just left was cleaning out the refrigerator behind his desk when he heard the sound of the bells above the front door ringing.

"May I help you?" he asked, turning around. Facing him was General Blum's command. Colonel Champlin stepped forward out of the pack. "Have you seen two gentlemen, one thin with white hair, and the other fat with red hair?" he asked.

"So what if I did?" the manager said dryly. "What's it to you boys in the army?"

"That's not your concern," Colonel Champlin said with a threatening edge to his voice. "If you have any information, you'd be wise to tell us...right now."

"And if I refuse?" the manager said.

Colonel Champlin's arm shot out from behind his back. He grabbed the manager by the throat and lifted him several feet in the air. "This," he said.

"All right, all right!" the manager gasped for air, "they checked in here last night and left about three hours ago!"

"And where'd they go?" the colonel asked.

"I don't know for sure, but they said as they left they'd be having breakfast out before hitting the road again; check down the road at Walt's Family Restaurant!" the manager cried out. "Now let me down!"

"As you wish," Colonel Champlin dropped the manager onto the floor. "All right men, make for Walt's Family Restaurant at once." The soldiers marched out the door.

"Colonel, permission to speak freely," Sherman asked the colonel as they walked out the door.

"Granted, proceed," Champlin said without looking at him.

"Colonel, I feel that your display of...authority back there was totally out of line!" Sherman protested.

"Major, we have orders to do whatever it takes to get the general's codes back, including the forced coercion of witnesses, so just live with it!" Colonel Champlin snapped. Sherman rolled his eyes. He was never a proponent of the brute force that Colonel Champlin often dealt out to others.

About five minutes later, the soldiers pushed open the doors into Walt's Restaurant, guns raised. "All right, nobody mover or panic!" Lieutenant Maltin announced out loud to the restaurant. "This will all be over in a minute!"

"What the hell are you army boys doing in here!?" the cashier demanded. "We have a..."

"Listen, mac, just tell me if you've seen two gentlemen, one thin and one fat!" Colonel Champlin told him, flashing his rifle in the cashier's face. The cashier gulped. "Y-Y-Yeah, they were here at about nine this morning. They left about forty minutes later."

"And where were they going and in what?"

"T-They were on a truck headed for Paducah, or at least that's where they..."

"Wow, this is great French toast!" Lieutenant Maltin exclaimed out loud. He was sampling the breakfast on a nearby table.

"Stop it, Lieutenant!" Colonel Champlin yelled, discharging a blast at his subordinate that blew the plate of French toast to pieces and sending Maltin running for cover. "Call the general and tell him that we're going to follow them to Paducah," the colonel ordered him.

"Yes sir," Lieutenant Maltin marched over to the phone. He picked it up, then turned back to his colleagues. "Anyone remember the number?" He was answered with loud groans.

Back in his base, General Blum was busy going through some of his files when his phone rang. "Pick it up for me, Douglas," he called to his hawk on the counter as he threw some of the files into the nearest cabinet. Douglas hopped over and picked up the receiver for his master. "Yes," the general said once he'd picked it up.

"Good morning sir," Lieutenant Maltin said on the other end of the line. "We have traced those bozos whereabouts somewhere in mid-Ohio. It's thirty-one degrees here, we are at forty-one degrees north latitude, ninety-one..."

"Where are they, lieutenant!?" the general demanded.

"Heading for Paducah, I guess," the lieutenant told him. "I have a request from Colonel Champlin to use the MEKRAR satellite tracking system to trace their movements."

"Granted," General Blum told him.

"Oh, and uh, he'd also like the use of the dogs for additional tracking purposes," Maltin added.

"Fine. Expect them in about two hours." General Blum told him. He hung up and pressed his intercom button. "Now here this!" he announced. "Camby, activate the MEKRAR satellite tracking system; we're going to lock in on those guys. And Kael, ready the dogs for immediate transfer to the troops current location!" He leaned against his office wall. "Let's just hope that Maltin can handle what we give him," he told Douglas, who was now perched on his shoulder. "If we can get those guys by dusk, though, I guess I can overlook any bumbling he might do." He opened the office door and stepped out into the corridor. "Come on my feathered friend," he told his hawk, "Let's make sure this goes smoothly."


On to Chapter 17